Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
