Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
