So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
