Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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