that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
