you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
