My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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