please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
