I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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