Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
