OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
