I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
