He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize