READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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