Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
