my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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