This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
