I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
