I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
