Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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