i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
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Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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