Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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