i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
