90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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