a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
