This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
