I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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