I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
