i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
