I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
