I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize