Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
