My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
