Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
