I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
