Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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