What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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