it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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