sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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