perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
