i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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