We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
