I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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