i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
