I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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