Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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