Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
