My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
