I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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