yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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