my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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