rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
