You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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