if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
