Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
