ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i think im in europe. pls send help
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
