he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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