Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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