This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
