Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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