I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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