i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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