final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
