so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
