Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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