girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize