I'm going to jail i love you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
