Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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