the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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